The literature of Alcoholics Anonymous makes a huge deal out of the notion of “serenity.” Serenity appears to be the primary goal of physical, emotional and spiritual sobriety. But the literature never actually defines it. Here’s a dictionary definition:
SERENE:
1: clear and free of storms or unpleasant change
2: marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose or quietude
I believe that this degree of emotional calm, or absence of stress, and apparent freedom from painful or difficult emotions is an unrealistic goal for pretty much anybody, but especially for recovering addicts. Addicts are people of difficulty. In recovery, this gets better, but it doesn’t go away. I think that as an ongoing state, serenity is pretty much unattainable as it is defined above. We can have times and periods of “serenity” (as defined above), but it’s not real to think that we can have this emotional/ spiritual state as a permanent state of being. It’s way too absolute and perfectionistic.
I believe that a more realistic goal is the development of “equanimity”. Here’s a dictionary definition:
EQUANIMITY:
1: evenness of mind, especially under stress
2: right disposition: balance
Implicit in the definition of equanimity is the notion of “grace under pressure/stress.” It does NOT deny the actual presence of stress or pressure; in fact, it explicitly includes them. This is different from the concept of “serenity,” which is based on a complete absence of difficult emotions (“clear and free of storms; utter calm and unruffled repose”). The concept of equanimity points to the ability to maintain an “evenness of mind” or “balance” mentally, even in the middle of genuine difficulty, together with the emotions that naturally attend difficulty. Equanimity is the ability to maintain a mental “eye of the storm” – an ability to have, and feel, powerful emotions, WITHOUT being held captive by them. It does NOT mean the absence of emotions, nor the repression of emotions; it means experiencing emotions but not identifying with them. This state of non-identification allows us to make evaluations and decisions with a clear mind, without being clouded by powerful emotions.
And attainment of equanimity takes time and work in recovery, in pursuit of emotional sobriety.